After a 'painful' break-up people are often told by society and friends.. Block the person, don’t interact with them, take time, there is someone better for you out there, or he/she wasn’t good for you anyways. Even though I have mostly always stayed friends with people I have connected with, it still seems to be a common dialogue I hear.
But recently I have started to think that it's kind of a bullshit solution and you have to go beneath the surface level and ask, is it really that person that I need to block out to heal or the underlying belief systems I need to shift in order to heal?
Yes you may miss the good memories, their mannerisms, quirks, affection but I don’t think that is what creates the pain and anguish of heart break, if anything these aspects were joy filled and a good indication of the qualities you want to attract moving forward.
If you think back to some of your best life experiences you don’t look back and feel the need to block out the positive memories in order feel better about where you are at now (unless you are unfulfilled). If you have the underlying core belief that you are worthy, capable and able to create the life and experiences you want, and if you continue to grow then you trust that it can only get better.
So why is it any different with relationships? Because most of us have core woundings and deep seated beliefs surrounding relationships, especially romantic ones that often aren’t serving us. How we relate and interpret our experiences is more important then the experience itself.
Since relationships are inherently emotional, it's important to give yourself the space to fully experience whatever you are experiencing and process the emotion and treat it as valid. Grief is real and valid, as is sadness. But treat it as an opportunity to process the emotion for what it is and become familiar with how it feels in your body and what is beneath it, not the story you have attached to it in your mind.
When we think we have to stop talking to someone e.t.c. because we tell ourselves it causes too much pain, we are giving away our power, disempowering ourselves and essentially saying they make you feel a certain way, which no one can make you feel a certain way without your consent. We always have a choice and if you want to let go of someone then that is fine but make sure it comes from a empowered position, “This doesn’t serve me” &“This doesn’t work for me” rather then “you make me feel this way".
The real thing we need to address are the underlying belief systems and attachment styles we have all adopted from an early age. Maybe you need to ask yourself, what is the fear that is underlying this experience? How is it manifesting mentally, physically, emotionally? How and who am I projecting it onto?
Maybe its the fear of abandonment, rejection, not being worthy, not enough, not being loved…
Each of us may have a different underlying fear. Ask the part of yourself that feels rejected, not enough, not loveable how can you be there for yourself and hold yourself through that process.
When we realise we are a full, whole individual we recognise people simply enhance or detract from our energy but not from our being.
When we can go beneath the surface level (in all areas of life) and ask more potent questions we can begin to shift and transform in such a way that as we grow and continuously evolve into the highest version of ourselves the people we attract will be a mirror to that and how we see ourselves.