After a 'painful' break-up people are often told by society and friends.. Block the person, don’t interact with them, take time, there is someone better for you out there, or he/she wasn’t good for you anyways. Even though I have mostly always stayed friends with people I have connected with, it still seems to be a common dialogue I hear.
But recently I have started to think that it's kind of a bullshit solution and you have to go beneath the surface level and ask, is it really that person that I need to block out to heal or the underlying belief systems I need to shift in order to heal?
Yes you may miss the good memories, their mannerisms, quirks, affection but I don’t think that is what creates the pain and anguish of heart break, if anything these aspects were joy filled and a good indication of the qualities you want to attract moving forward.
If you think back to some of your best life experiences you don’t look back and feel the need to block out the positive memories in order feel better about where you are at now (unless you are unfulfilled). If you have the underlying core belief that you are worthy, capable and able to create the life and experiences you want, and if you continue to grow then you trust that it can only get better.
So why is it any different with relationships? Because most of us have core woundings and deep seated beliefs surrounding relationships, especially romantic ones that often aren’t serving us. How we relate and interpret our experiences is more important then the experience itself.
Since relationships are inherently emotional, it's important to give yourself the space to fully experience whatever you are experiencing and process the emotion and treat it as valid. Grief is real and valid, as is sadness. But treat it as an opportunity to process the emotion for what it is and become familiar with how it feels in your body and what is beneath it, not the story you have attached to it in your mind.
When we think we have to stop talking to someone e.t.c. because we tell ourselves it causes too much pain, we are giving away our power, disempowering ourselves and essentially saying they make you feel a certain way, which no one can make you feel a certain way without your consent. We always have a choice and if you want to let go of someone then that is fine but make sure it comes from a empowered position, “This doesn’t serve me” &“This doesn’t work for me” rather then “you make me feel this way".
The real thing we need to address are the underlying belief systems and attachment styles we have all adopted from an early age. Maybe you need to ask yourself, what is the fear that is underlying this experience? How is it manifesting mentally, physically, emotionally? How and who am I projecting it onto?
Maybe its the fear of abandonment, rejection, not being worthy, not enough, not being loved…
Each of us may have a different underlying fear. Ask the part of yourself that feels rejected, not enough, not loveable how can you be there for yourself and hold yourself through that process.
When we realise we are a full, whole individual we recognise people simply enhance or detract from our energy but not from our being.
When we can go beneath the surface level (in all areas of life) and ask more potent questions we can begin to shift and transform in such a way that as we grow and continuously evolve into the highest version of ourselves the people we attract will be a mirror to that and how we see ourselves.
I am curious,
Why do we need to be complimented on our bodies to be deemed worthy?
Are our bodies not already incredible??!!
Are our bodies not incredible through our ability to experience the subtleties of sensation?
Through our ability to move and exercise?
Through our ability to hold ourselves, hold another?
To transfer energy from and to another human being!
Are our bodies not enough without a gap between our thighs, a butt that catches the eyes, a stomach that doesn't bloat, skin that is flawless?
Are our bodies not enough to have a stomach + gut that assimilates nutrients + feeds life into our being without having abs?!
Are our physical features not enough to be able to witness the beauty of life, to see ourselves, as we are?
Are our bodies only enough when we internalize societal beauty standards + dedicate a large portion of mental energy/time trying to attain this?!
Are our bodies not enough as they are?
I would like to think they are.
I would like to think I can love my body, celebrate it, its beauty, its strength, its miracle nature without needing another to validate this.
Our bodies are AMAZING! We don't need external validation to realize that. Look how we are created!
Instead of striving to receive external validation, let us tune in with our bodies to embrace life + reconnect with our bodies innate intelligence.
Move in a way you desire to move,
Love in a way you desire to love,
Touch in a way you desire to touch,
Receive in a way you are open to receiving,
Feel, connect, deepen that bond, hold space and be in your entirety.
Part of living is journeying back to our wholeness.
Choose to love that journey <3
So yesterday I made the choice to cancel my flight to Bali....
I followed my heart and gut and I have a lot of mixed emotions and confusion but I choose to surrender and allow these emotions to rise so that I can feel into the lesson I learnt by making this choice.
It was about making the decision to listen to my heart. I don't believe there is a 'wrong' or 'right' choice, once we have made our choice, it is our responsibility to surrender and trust the unfolding of a new direction.
Our environment isn't the only factor that dictates our experience. There is no saying that Bali, versus Sydney versus America promises a certain type of experience. What is our intention? How do we as individuals choose to move forward on our path and create a life that is aligned with who we truly are, a life that is aligned with our deepest desires... a life that is lead from the heart, not only from the mind, from love not fear. A life that is lived with presence, through connecting the head, heart and gut and through this alignment of self, guidance from our higher self, the universe, pure source channels through us. This is what allows for synchronicities and new opportunities so that we can grow and evolve, becoming more and more ourself.
The lesson I learnt is this; I said yes, when I meant no. This isn't the first time. Part of this is that I get over-joy, over-excited, coupled with a fear of missing out and a desire to please my loved ones and make them happy. Its a beautiful thing when we can bring joy into others lives, but we still need to ask ourselves the question, 'Is the choice I am making aligned with my desires? Who am I making this choice for?'. What isn't is alignment is when our heart is telling us something different then what our mind is saying, and we neglect this. This is when we find ourselves in sticky situations later on down the track, affecting not only my self, but my loved ones involved in the situation. Ironically, what I feared of initially ends up happening anyway, letting someone down, not pleasing them and not trusting my truth.
So, yesterday as I was sitting in my bedroom, I was sitting there distracting myself, snacking... exercising... youtube watching... and each moment I would stop I would find myself a little more anxious, a little more distraught, a little more mis-aligned. A voice said, 'Are you trusting your heart?'... inside I knew I wasn't but my mind interrupted and said, 'Never mind, you have to go, you don't have a choice'. Sometimes these lessons arise in uncomfortable ways but very rarely are lessons learnt in comfortable ways.
The idea of going to Bali took me into the mindset of viewing 16 days as an opportunity...but what if I looked at 16 days in Sydney as an opportunity, what if I looked at each day as an opportunity, every moment as an opportunity. So often we look for 'reasons', 'people', 'circumstances', 'trips', e.t.c. as the opportunity and many people sit around not tapping into their full potential until an external source arises. I realised that we are the opportunity, the opportunity is a materialisation of who we are within, which then radiates out. If we make a conscious choice to find ourselves in Radical alignment, whatever that looks like for us as individuals, each and every day, then we are the opportunity and we are open to receiving and channelling the divine so that every moment is an opportunity to tap into our highest self, highest frequency, highest vibration.
So two lessons I learnt from this;
1. Honour your truth
2. We are the opportunity, here right now, in this moment is the opportunity to come into radical alignment, and tap into our highest self.
What would happen if we surrendered to the divine in every moment? experience the abundance around us? the opportunity within each moment?
"There are no wrong turns, only unexpected paths".
1. Your beliefs
2. Your attitude
3. Your thoughts
4. Your perspective
5. How honest you are
6. Who your friends are
7. What books you read
8. How often you exercise
9. The type of food you eat
10. How many risks you take
11. How you interpret situations
12. How kind you are to others
13. How kind you are to yourself
14. How often you say 'I love you'
15. How often you say 'Thank you'
16. How you express your feelings
17. Whether or not you ask for help
18. How often you practice gratitude
19. How many times you smile today
20. The amount of effort you put forth
21. How you spend/invest your money
22. How much time you spend worrying
23. How often you think about your past
24. Whether or not you judge other people
25. Whether or not you try again after a setback
26. How much you appreciate the things you have
27. Whether or not you choose to raise your vibration
28. Whether or not you choose to transform your frequency
My personal experience;
I spent the last week in Waiheke Island, New Zealand, in a magical oasis, surrounded by lush greenery, vast ocean and vineyards. However, while my external natural environment could be equated to bliss, I stepped into a relational dynamic that brought up feelings of separation.
Below I share my journal entry that dives into the importance of taking control of managing your internal environment, cleaning it out and raising your vibration, so that your internal environment shapes your external environment.
"....Sometimes you find yourself in an external environment that you would consider your ideal... surrounded in beautiful nature, in the sunshine, mountains, walking... absolute bliss.
This past week I was so looking forward to coming here to see my Dad and have a beautiful relax. I arrived about two days ago and I was stunted, it was not what I had imagined. Rather, I stepped into a dynamic that felt highly uncomfortable, caused a lot of separation, awkwardness and misalignment with someone there.
Yes, there has been a history of separation, though nothing is said or done, its an energetic blockage between us. The first two days I really let it get to me, it shaped the lens in which I viewed this trip and furthermore, shaped the lens in which I viewed the world and my place in it. I took it personally and was deeply hurt. The blockage between us made me want to separate and distance myself, and it made me want to escape this environment, asking myself, 'Why the fuck am I here?'.
When I recognised how these feelings, I had chose to take on had started to transform my biochemistry in a way that was not from a loving, compassionate and accepting place, I made the choice, 'I don't want to be feeling like this', 'I don't want to be experiencing negative charges towards this person', 'I don't want to be feeling in energetic bondage and like I can't express my true authentic self'.
Furthermore, I don't want to contribute to the other person feeling the same way, I want them to be able to feel safe and free to express themselves, just as much as I want to.
In this moment, I have the power to transform, moment to moment. I have the power to transform and manage my internal world and clean it out, so it is no longer heavy, in pain, slumped, sad and drained.
Okay, so I have a few options,
1. Choose to remain stagnate and in separation.
2. Raise my vibration and take it as an opportunity for expansion so that I was no longer matching the frequency I was attracting.
3. Have a conversation with that person and express to them how I felt.
Fast-track forward; I picked the option I knew I could control, the option that would empower me, grow me and propel me forward. I made the conscious choice, conscious in the sense that I became aware of the patterns that had been formed and chose to delete the cycle of reactivity, separation and isolation from the subconscious/unconscious which had been reinforced over years.
I chose to shed, open and expand into a different vibration, one that allowed for a safe space to be created for the both of us, creating a presence that is allowing both of us to feel comfortable and safe.
So I made this promise to myself, and in the morning, energetically everything has shifted. Energetically she responded and the blockage was lifted to discover a new found freedom, relaxed space and surrendering to what is. The key here is that this was an internal choice, a choice I made to manage and shift my internal space, not the control and 'fix' my external space or try to change the other. It was a choice that came from the heart, from spirit, not from the head.
Magically, as we all know, 'Shape your internal world, shape your external world'.
This choice is one we can all make in any moment, in all moments, by tapping into the highest vibration and expression of ourselves possible. That is, one of love, compassion, openness, safety, freedom, beauty, gratitude, joy, play and acceptance. "
Later that week I looked up an energy update for that period which was very telling and had a little chuckle to myself :)
"We have choices — to either remain stagnant in the duality of lower frequencies, or make decisions that support our universal evolution, even if it means choosing a challenge or jumping into the vast unknown."
"The Square/90 angle reflects friction and tension. From an evolutionary viewpoint, this a place in our awareness where we are forced to make changes in our lives based on the friction and tension we are experiencing."
"The energy of Thursday’s Full Moon and this current lunar cycle are deeply connected our process of de-conditioning and learning to see ourselves in a new way."
"We slowly begin this transition from separation to real integration, we are asked many questions that have never been asked before."
SUFFERING ——> GRATITUDE ———> BEAUTY