After a 'painful' break-up people are often told by society and friends.. Block the person, don’t interact with them, take time, there is someone better for you out there, or he/she wasn’t good for you anyways. Even though I have mostly always stayed friends with people I have connected with, it still seems to be a common dialogue I hear.
But recently I have started to think that it's kind of a bullshit solution and you have to go beneath the surface level and ask, is it really that person that I need to block out to heal or the underlying belief systems I need to shift in order to heal?
Yes you may miss the good memories, their mannerisms, quirks, affection but I don’t think that is what creates the pain and anguish of heart break, if anything these aspects were joy filled and a good indication of the qualities you want to attract moving forward.
If you think back to some of your best life experiences you don’t look back and feel the need to block out the positive memories in order feel better about where you are at now (unless you are unfulfilled). If you have the underlying core belief that you are worthy, capable and able to create the life and experiences you want, and if you continue to grow then you trust that it can only get better.
So why is it any different with relationships? Because most of us have core woundings and deep seated beliefs surrounding relationships, especially romantic ones that often aren’t serving us. How we relate and interpret our experiences is more important then the experience itself.
Since relationships are inherently emotional, it's important to give yourself the space to fully experience whatever you are experiencing and process the emotion and treat it as valid. Grief is real and valid, as is sadness. But treat it as an opportunity to process the emotion for what it is and become familiar with how it feels in your body and what is beneath it, not the story you have attached to it in your mind.
When we think we have to stop talking to someone e.t.c. because we tell ourselves it causes too much pain, we are giving away our power, disempowering ourselves and essentially saying they make you feel a certain way, which no one can make you feel a certain way without your consent. We always have a choice and if you want to let go of someone then that is fine but make sure it comes from a empowered position, “This doesn’t serve me” &“This doesn’t work for me” rather then “you make me feel this way".
The real thing we need to address are the underlying belief systems and attachment styles we have all adopted from an early age. Maybe you need to ask yourself, what is the fear that is underlying this experience? How is it manifesting mentally, physically, emotionally? How and who am I projecting it onto?
Maybe its the fear of abandonment, rejection, not being worthy, not enough, not being loved…
Each of us may have a different underlying fear. Ask the part of yourself that feels rejected, not enough, not loveable how can you be there for yourself and hold yourself through that process.
When we realise we are a full, whole individual we recognise people simply enhance or detract from our energy but not from our being.
When we can go beneath the surface level (in all areas of life) and ask more potent questions we can begin to shift and transform in such a way that as we grow and continuously evolve into the highest version of ourselves the people we attract will be a mirror to that and how we see ourselves.
I am curious,
Why do we need to be complimented on our bodies to be deemed worthy?
Are our bodies not already incredible??!!
Are our bodies not incredible through our ability to experience the subtleties of sensation?
Through our ability to move and exercise?
Through our ability to hold ourselves, hold another?
To transfer energy from and to another human being!
Are our bodies not enough without a gap between our thighs, a butt that catches the eyes, a stomach that doesn't bloat, skin that is flawless?
Are our bodies not enough to have a stomach + gut that assimilates nutrients + feeds life into our being without having abs?!
Are our physical features not enough to be able to witness the beauty of life, to see ourselves, as we are?
Are our bodies only enough when we internalize societal beauty standards + dedicate a large portion of mental energy/time trying to attain this?!
Are our bodies not enough as they are?
I would like to think they are.
I would like to think I can love my body, celebrate it, its beauty, its strength, its miracle nature without needing another to validate this.
Our bodies are AMAZING! We don't need external validation to realize that. Look how we are created!
Instead of striving to receive external validation, let us tune in with our bodies to embrace life + reconnect with our bodies innate intelligence.
Move in a way you desire to move,
Love in a way you desire to love,
Touch in a way you desire to touch,
Receive in a way you are open to receiving,
Feel, connect, deepen that bond, hold space and be in your entirety.
Part of living is journeying back to our wholeness.
Choose to love that journey <3
So I was just watching an interview with Mama Gena, author of PUSSY: a reclamation and she shared that every time she holds a meeting or connects with her loved ones they start off the conversation with a BOAST, a GRATITUDE and a HOPE. When I heard this, I loved it straight away. While I already practice my daily gratitudes, write down my values & the 7 strategic action steps... I definitely had not been including a 'boast' or a 'hope'.
Many of us have been conditioned to shy away from recognising our accomplishments & success (whatever that looks like for you). But in the midst of endless creations and outpouring of our energy into multiple sources + activities, it is SO important to stop, express love to ourselves + share a recent win or HELL YEAAAH with a loved one, and encourage the same from them. I did this practice with my mum this morning & I encourage you all to do the same.
I thought I would share my 3 here :)
I boast that I have taken small steps every day this week to branch out with my food & acknowledged my fears but taken action anyway - and I am responsible for this! :)
I am grateful for having a beautiful relationship with my mum, loving my work & that I am willing to embody the love and energy I wish to see in the world. I am grateful for everything I attract as a result of how I show up.
My hope is that everyone, no matter their circumstances take the time to reflect on their potential, recognise their deeper purpose and self worth and be open to connecting with others in a way that is deeply nourishing so that humanity can come together to continually raise the current world consciousness & connect with pure source <3
What are yours?
I wanted to share a simple insight that came up for me this morning... it was one of those moments where you recognise you have 'known' a concept intellectually but it remains 'knowledge' until it finally clicks and integrates.
This morning I did a Mas Sajady medi healing and it was exploring both the dark realms and light realms and how one of the big misconceptions is about moving away from the dark into the light. When actually as we become more spiritual advanced, our journey teaches us how to master both realms.
Anyways, it made me think about the concept of separation as it relates to an issue in my life, specifically around nutrition and nourishment. Having struggled with an eating disorder for many years this concept of separation was very embedded in my mindset, 'good foods' 'bad foods', 'good day: perfect eating' 'I am a good person: perfect eating', 'I am a bad person: less then perfect eating'. The actual content of what made up the good and bad was quite irrational, but it didn't matter, what mattered was that I was viewing nourishment, and health through a lens of separation, judgement and lack of acceptance.
So, until we cease to view the world, ourselves and our experiences through the lens of separation, 'good/bad', 'right/wrong', the universe will continuously present us with experiences/patterns where we can either continue to choose separation OR we can choose to learn the lesson and instead choose radical acceptance. I realised this, this morning when I had too many home made protein balls and it triggered mental looping and disordered mindset around food :P & all of a sudden it was 'I am bad', 'Today is no longer a good day', 'That food was bad'. e.t.c.
When we decide to choose Radical acceptance and love over judgement and ridicule, over time it will cease to trigger these behaviours and self-sabotage. When we recognise there is no 'good' 'bad 'right 'wrong'... there is only a CHOICE! All we have to ask ourselves in those moments is, 'Is this choice TRUE for me?' 'Is this choice in ALIGNMENT with my values and desires?' Then our heart will show us the answer rather then the analytical mind.
Hey beautiful person...
I wanted to write this message from my heart to yours, from my highest self to your highest self...
You are so worthy of love, first and foremost from your self; always. You are worthy of love from all sources in all directions, at all times, in all states, in all dimensions, unconditionally; all-ways.
When things might seem tough, its okay... its okay to allow space to breathe. Its okay to allow space to be. Its okay not to know. Its okay just to sit and allow whatever feelings arise, to arise.
Allow yourself permission to experience all that you are in your wholeness, welcoming all emotions and feelings, including the discomfort. Lean into the discomfort.
In these times, if you feel like 'distracting' yourself to dissociate from the truth of who you are in the present moment, realise that those distractions may be taking away from the beauty of the lesson, the beauty of growth, the beauty of a download. Within the silence, new insights arise. Face the space as you continue to evolve into the divine sovereign being that you are. It is within this space that your love for yourself deepens.
Just like when you loved ones are struggling and ask you to hold space and love for them, you too can hold that space for your self and be there for yourself. In those times of need, listening in non-judgement and radical acceptance of whatever arises, just like you would for those you love unconditionally. Make the commitment to be there for yourself. Make the commitment to love yourself, unconditionally, no matter what.
In these times, call upon the purest form of guidance, the heart, the universe, pure source. Remember, when you welcome all that you are, spaciousness provides and discomfort subsides.
Lastly, here is a technique that will assist in reconnecting you with your heart to allow higher guidance to flow through you...
Imagine there is a spiral staircase going down from the middle of your brain to the middle of your chest.
Go down the stairs. Step off the stairs and slowly turn to your left. There is a door there that goes into your heart.
Open the door and step inside your heart; remember to close the door behind you.
For a moment, see, sense and feel the love, compassion, beauty and acceptance emanating from your heart.
Feel the power of your heart. Feel appreciation for all that your heart has guided you to do.
Allow this feeling to permeate through the entirety of your body.
Be here now, in this all-encompassing feeling of the love frequency. Send love deep within your self.
Feel the love spiralling from the top of your head, down your throat, through the chest and the heart, sternum and solar plexus, circulating down the spine, the ribs, showering your gut with love, the genital's, your thighs, knees, calves and ankles, and gliding through each of your toes, then spiralling up and down your body, radiating from within.
Hold yourself in this space and remember the love that you are. Then move your attention to your breath.
So yesterday I made the choice to cancel my flight to Bali....
I followed my heart and gut and I have a lot of mixed emotions and confusion but I choose to surrender and allow these emotions to rise so that I can feel into the lesson I learnt by making this choice.
It was about making the decision to listen to my heart. I don't believe there is a 'wrong' or 'right' choice, once we have made our choice, it is our responsibility to surrender and trust the unfolding of a new direction.
Our environment isn't the only factor that dictates our experience. There is no saying that Bali, versus Sydney versus America promises a certain type of experience. What is our intention? How do we as individuals choose to move forward on our path and create a life that is aligned with who we truly are, a life that is aligned with our deepest desires... a life that is lead from the heart, not only from the mind, from love not fear. A life that is lived with presence, through connecting the head, heart and gut and through this alignment of self, guidance from our higher self, the universe, pure source channels through us. This is what allows for synchronicities and new opportunities so that we can grow and evolve, becoming more and more ourself.
The lesson I learnt is this; I said yes, when I meant no. This isn't the first time. Part of this is that I get over-joy, over-excited, coupled with a fear of missing out and a desire to please my loved ones and make them happy. Its a beautiful thing when we can bring joy into others lives, but we still need to ask ourselves the question, 'Is the choice I am making aligned with my desires? Who am I making this choice for?'. What isn't is alignment is when our heart is telling us something different then what our mind is saying, and we neglect this. This is when we find ourselves in sticky situations later on down the track, affecting not only my self, but my loved ones involved in the situation. Ironically, what I feared of initially ends up happening anyway, letting someone down, not pleasing them and not trusting my truth.
So, yesterday as I was sitting in my bedroom, I was sitting there distracting myself, snacking... exercising... youtube watching... and each moment I would stop I would find myself a little more anxious, a little more distraught, a little more mis-aligned. A voice said, 'Are you trusting your heart?'... inside I knew I wasn't but my mind interrupted and said, 'Never mind, you have to go, you don't have a choice'. Sometimes these lessons arise in uncomfortable ways but very rarely are lessons learnt in comfortable ways.
The idea of going to Bali took me into the mindset of viewing 16 days as an opportunity...but what if I looked at 16 days in Sydney as an opportunity, what if I looked at each day as an opportunity, every moment as an opportunity. So often we look for 'reasons', 'people', 'circumstances', 'trips', e.t.c. as the opportunity and many people sit around not tapping into their full potential until an external source arises. I realised that we are the opportunity, the opportunity is a materialisation of who we are within, which then radiates out. If we make a conscious choice to find ourselves in Radical alignment, whatever that looks like for us as individuals, each and every day, then we are the opportunity and we are open to receiving and channelling the divine so that every moment is an opportunity to tap into our highest self, highest frequency, highest vibration.
So two lessons I learnt from this;
1. Honour your truth
2. We are the opportunity, here right now, in this moment is the opportunity to come into radical alignment, and tap into our highest self.
What would happen if we surrendered to the divine in every moment? experience the abundance around us? the opportunity within each moment?
"There are no wrong turns, only unexpected paths".
1. Your beliefs
2. Your attitude
3. Your thoughts
4. Your perspective
5. How honest you are
6. Who your friends are
7. What books you read
8. How often you exercise
9. The type of food you eat
10. How many risks you take
11. How you interpret situations
12. How kind you are to others
13. How kind you are to yourself
14. How often you say 'I love you'
15. How often you say 'Thank you'
16. How you express your feelings
17. Whether or not you ask for help
18. How often you practice gratitude
19. How many times you smile today
20. The amount of effort you put forth
21. How you spend/invest your money
22. How much time you spend worrying
23. How often you think about your past
24. Whether or not you judge other people
25. Whether or not you try again after a setback
26. How much you appreciate the things you have
27. Whether or not you choose to raise your vibration
28. Whether or not you choose to transform your frequency
My personal experience;
I spent the last week in Waiheke Island, New Zealand, in a magical oasis, surrounded by lush greenery, vast ocean and vineyards. However, while my external natural environment could be equated to bliss, I stepped into a relational dynamic that brought up feelings of separation.
Below I share my journal entry that dives into the importance of taking control of managing your internal environment, cleaning it out and raising your vibration, so that your internal environment shapes your external environment.
"....Sometimes you find yourself in an external environment that you would consider your ideal... surrounded in beautiful nature, in the sunshine, mountains, walking... absolute bliss.
This past week I was so looking forward to coming here to see my Dad and have a beautiful relax. I arrived about two days ago and I was stunted, it was not what I had imagined. Rather, I stepped into a dynamic that felt highly uncomfortable, caused a lot of separation, awkwardness and misalignment with someone there.
Yes, there has been a history of separation, though nothing is said or done, its an energetic blockage between us. The first two days I really let it get to me, it shaped the lens in which I viewed this trip and furthermore, shaped the lens in which I viewed the world and my place in it. I took it personally and was deeply hurt. The blockage between us made me want to separate and distance myself, and it made me want to escape this environment, asking myself, 'Why the fuck am I here?'.
When I recognised how these feelings, I had chose to take on had started to transform my biochemistry in a way that was not from a loving, compassionate and accepting place, I made the choice, 'I don't want to be feeling like this', 'I don't want to be experiencing negative charges towards this person', 'I don't want to be feeling in energetic bondage and like I can't express my true authentic self'.
Furthermore, I don't want to contribute to the other person feeling the same way, I want them to be able to feel safe and free to express themselves, just as much as I want to.
In this moment, I have the power to transform, moment to moment. I have the power to transform and manage my internal world and clean it out, so it is no longer heavy, in pain, slumped, sad and drained.
Okay, so I have a few options,
1. Choose to remain stagnate and in separation.
2. Raise my vibration and take it as an opportunity for expansion so that I was no longer matching the frequency I was attracting.
3. Have a conversation with that person and express to them how I felt.
Fast-track forward; I picked the option I knew I could control, the option that would empower me, grow me and propel me forward. I made the conscious choice, conscious in the sense that I became aware of the patterns that had been formed and chose to delete the cycle of reactivity, separation and isolation from the subconscious/unconscious which had been reinforced over years.
I chose to shed, open and expand into a different vibration, one that allowed for a safe space to be created for the both of us, creating a presence that is allowing both of us to feel comfortable and safe.
So I made this promise to myself, and in the morning, energetically everything has shifted. Energetically she responded and the blockage was lifted to discover a new found freedom, relaxed space and surrendering to what is. The key here is that this was an internal choice, a choice I made to manage and shift my internal space, not the control and 'fix' my external space or try to change the other. It was a choice that came from the heart, from spirit, not from the head.
Magically, as we all know, 'Shape your internal world, shape your external world'.
This choice is one we can all make in any moment, in all moments, by tapping into the highest vibration and expression of ourselves possible. That is, one of love, compassion, openness, safety, freedom, beauty, gratitude, joy, play and acceptance. "
Later that week I looked up an energy update for that period which was very telling and had a little chuckle to myself :)
"We have choices — to either remain stagnant in the duality of lower frequencies, or make decisions that support our universal evolution, even if it means choosing a challenge or jumping into the vast unknown."
"The Square/90 angle reflects friction and tension. From an evolutionary viewpoint, this a place in our awareness where we are forced to make changes in our lives based on the friction and tension we are experiencing."
"The energy of Thursday’s Full Moon and this current lunar cycle are deeply connected our process of de-conditioning and learning to see ourselves in a new way."
"We slowly begin this transition from separation to real integration, we are asked many questions that have never been asked before."
As children, we are often told "Don't do this... Don't drop your food on the table....Don't go over there.... You can't do this or that". However, as you have probably witnessed with your own attempts at behavioural change, it is often when we tell ourselves that we cannot do something or don't have too much of something that we end up doing exactly the thing we told ourselves not to. Then what happens? We punish ourselves, just like we were punished as children.
The reason is, when we are told 'don't eat another bliss ball' a lot of the time we only register and direct our focus to the content of 'eat another bliss ball'. I can think of two examples of this... The other day one of the Woman I work with walked up to a customer and said 'Let me take those items from you, I don't want you to drop them', so she took them off the customer and what happened? She dropped them straight away! In my own experience, I know if I have made a big batch of raw vegan deliciousness (bliss balls, slices e.t.c.) and placed them in the fridge, when I go into the kitchen I have said to myself, 'Don't have another bliss ball' or 'You can't have another one'... and what happens? I walk straight to the fridge, have one and then stand there complexed as to 'What just happened?' haha.
Not only are we doing what we tell ourselves not to, we then punish ourselves and use further disempowering language, 'I am bad', 'What did I do that for', 'I am stupid', 'I am unworthy'... just like some of us experienced when we were children. Studies have shown that punishment is actually a very ineffective form of behavioural change and actually reinforces negative cyclic patterns, the more we use disempowering/restrictive language such as 'don't, can't, and the more we punish ourselves, 'I am bad, I am unworthy', the more we are reinforcing a pattern that will present itself again and again.
We are far better off empowering ourselves, celebrating our wins, practicing self-compassion, inclusion over exclusion and reinforcing behaviours that empower us and elevate us to be the best versions of ourselves. In my experience, and struggle with disordered eating, in order to distance myself from that little negative voice that enters my mind, instead of saying 'Don't listen to that voice, don't do this, you can't do that'... I know say 'Do listen to your eating disorder and then Do the opposite!'.
This also applies in the language of manifestation, instead of saying what you don't want, say and visualise and deeply feel what it is that you DO want and place your intention and attention on exactly that!
Much love xx
'It is never far away, yet almost too close to know
the feeling you must surrender to in order to grow.
As I lean into the discomfort of the exquisite risk I have taken,
but not yet spoken, I feel a sense of contraction....
mutual curiosity with another soul has brought me a sense of clarity,
an opening & expansion that originates from the aliveness, freedom and true essence within...
The mask of those who project their lies are no match for that feeling when you look in side and
realise with real eyes all that you are and bathe in the wholeness of your being.'
Lately I have been harnessing my NET (no extra time) to fill my mind with new insights, lessons, reflections + knowledge through podcasts, e-books, youtube videos... This may be while you are at the gym, making a meal, driving, walking to work, lying in bed, catching public transport....
This morning, as I was taking my dog for a walk I was about to put on a Tony Robbins podcast but discovered my phone was out of battery....
In that moment, a quote from Mas Sajady entered my mind, "Clarify your mind, let go of all the past knowledge, and be it."
This passage grounded me in difference between learning information and being it. While new knowledge allowing for further growth, awareness, and realisations, it is the integration and embodiment of this that allows for the transformative cellular shifts to take place. If your intention is to facilitate transformation in others, you must lead by example.
So, instead of filling my mind with new knowledge, I made a choice to ground myself in the truth of my being. To align with my true nature in a series of walking affirmations. In the past, I personally have not been attracted to practicing affirmations...
Who we are, How we show up each day and the deeper WHY behind this choice of being dictates how we experience life.
Next time you go for a walk, make it your intention to practice walking affirmations, don't think to hard, just allow the affirmations to make themselves known and be present, making these affirmations part of your being and repeat them out-loud if you can or silently until you end your walk;
This is what came up for me this morning;
I AM WHOLESOME
I AM LOVING
I AM GIVING
I AM UNIQUE
I AM ENOUGH
"TO BE LIST"
If you are already in the practice of affirmations, try this practice from Gerald Jampolsky and Diane Cirincione-Jampolsky, of Attitudinal Healing.
Each morning start your day with a “To Be” list instead of a “To Do” list. This practice is focused on celebrating our “being,” the essence of love that is our true identity and our true natural state of happiness.
This serves to remind us of our core self which is so often hidden from our daily awareness by the bus-i-ness of our daily doings and thoughts.
Today my being is:
"Start living the knowledge that you study, so you are that knowledge."- Mas Sajady
Let me know if you try these practices and your experience :)